


Something about Desire

by SumDumMuffin



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Porn store AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8926123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/SumDumMuffin
Summary: Angela meets someone at her favorite store.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Overwatch is owned by Blizzard. Stolen joke credits at the end. 
> 
> There's no actual sex described here, so it's not rated E, but there is a lot of sex talked about here, just a heads up.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic correct knowledge of sex, porn, sex toys, porn stores, robots, Buddhism, Swiss German, check-out counters, or asking people out.

"Oh god I'm so lonely." Angela flopped over the counter as her purchase was rung up.

"It is a lament you voice to me often," Zenyatta said. His voice was serene and comforting. He started filling Angela's second bag. "If solitude displeases you so, take steps to form connections with others."

"It's just, I spend all my time either here or at work, you know?" Angela said. "I really appreciate that you're open 24/7, by the way." She said that last bit more calmly.

"Omnics do not need to sleep." Zenyatta said. "Back to your original query; do none of your co-workers present the opportunity for companionship?"

"Well, I work at this private military hospital, right? Mostly soldier types, coming in in multiple pieces, asking me to stitch them back together before going off to fight their little wars again. So I either fix them up good enough that they've learned their lesson and don't come back, or I don't, and they get medically discharged, or buried, and don't come back. And I don't quite feel like making friends in a war zone or cemetery."

"Dark."

Angela furrowed her brow. Her face was still on the counter, so Zenyatta might not have seen the expression. "I guess. But the point is, I'm not really friends with anyone at work."

"Quite a conundrum. But if you are always at one of three places, with one being your place of residence, it would be logical to pursue someone you encounter who strikes your fancy here or at your workplace."

"Well, funny you mention that. You know that one army captain who's semi-retired? Older, but still cute? I mentioned her a couple times." Angela said. She rolled on to the side of the counter. "I managed to strike up a conversation the last time we met."

"Congratulations on your first step. How did it turn out?"

"Yeah...." Angela rolled onto her face, again. Hopefully the counter was clean. "It turns, she's straight and divorced and happily dating some big, hairy German guy. Figures."

"That is unfortunate for you," Zenyatta said. "But do not let one stumble discourage your journey."

"But I think it's a systemic thing," Angela said. "I'm 35, and when I have 2 hours to kill before a surprise work flight, I come here to buy things for the road and mope about my life, rather than, say, go to meet dames at a bar or a nightclub. I mean, 'Hey, I'm a doctor who's flying out for a secret medical mission and I have two hours to entertain myself' has got to be a killer pick up line, but I'm not actually trying to use it. Confidence issues, maybe."

"My first observation is; perhaps you would have better luck if you did not refer to datable women in your age range as 'dames'." Zenyatta's voice timber, pitch, and cadence never changed, Angela had long since noticed, so he never sounded like he was being sarcastic or condescending. Unless everything he said was sarcastic and condescending, which would change their friendship dynamic a little.

Zenyatta rung up another bag and continued. "Secondly, recall what I mentioned about dating people from here or your workplace. Part of that suggestion was because you are more confident when you are comfortable, and that is conducive to forming connections with people, and thus bonding romantically."

"Makes sense."

"Thirdly, Commitment to a routine is not something to be ashamed of, but change can be good for the spirit, especially in periods of monotony."

"Huh. Okay. So translate that into something specific I can do."

"Life will take you on many unexpected journeys. Learn to live in the moment. Perhaps on your trip, you should take a sight-seeing tour of something that interests you, and quell any doubts that would prevent you from actualizing your tour."

Angela pondered. "Ok, yeah. So do you have any recommendations for what to see in Hanamura?"

"Many innovative sex toys come from Japan, but we import most of them. However, perhaps there are nearby stores which trade in erotic traditional media?"

"Huh, I'll look into that." Angela lifted her head off the counter. "Oh! Speaking of; hotel porn's overpriced, so I'm thinking I should get a vid or three or seven for once I'm crashing in the room after daylight."

Zenyatta pulled up a portable touchscreen. "Based on your previous viewing habits, I'd recommend the following titles." He handed the tablet to Angela.

Angela squinted and scrolled through the images for a bit. She paused on one. "Oh. Aha. Yeah, I told myself I'd never watch any 'doctor feeling up a patient' scenarios, 'cause I want to at least pretend to be professional."

"My apologies; I'll adjust your recommendations accordingly."

"I mean, it's hilarious, and I like to think I'm professional enough that I'd never start making any weird advanced based off what I've seen in porn, but I'd prefer not to risk it, you know?"

"I know."

Angela picked out seven titles, which Zenyatta downloaded onto a portable drive.

The receipt started printing out. "Thank you for your patronage," Zenyatta said. He handed Angela several large black plastic bags.

"Hey, again, thanks for being open 24/7." Angela accepted the receipt and tucked it into the plastic bag, and stuffed the whole thing into her travel bag.

"Well, I better get to the airport, now." Angela slung her bag over her shoulders. She waved. "See you when I'm back!" 

"Farewell, Angela, and best of luck to you," said Zenyatta. He nodded and waved Angela farewell.

 

 

 

 

 

Four days later, Angela returned to 'One with the Machine' after she got off call. It was late, but not late enough for any super-embarrassed shoppers to start their late-night foray into the shop.

"Hey, Zenny!" Angela said.

"It is good to see you, Angela." Zenyatta said. "How was your trip to Japan?"

"It was cool. I brought some guy back to life." Angela waved the air. "And I did take your advice; I went shopping around and ended up getting a butt-ton of weird pornographic comics, and I got, like, this original print Showa-era erotic yukio-e collection. It's kind of gross."

"Sensibilities change over times and cultures. I also imagine female sexuality was not sufficiently understood during that time and culture to be respectfully depicted to your satisfaction, based on your previevious purchase habits."

"Yeah- But!" Angela dug through her bag, "I also went to a modern hentai store." Angela pulled out a few books and then rubbed the back of her head. "I actually bought so much stuff they asked if I was, like, stocking up on merchandise to sell back at home, and I said, 'no, but it's funny you mention that, since I'm good friends with a porn shop owner', and they asked me to give you their card, in case you were interested in some sort of partnership." Angela held a business card out to the store owner.

Zenyatta accepted the card. "Interesting. I am not sure I will take them up on the offer, but I appreciate that you thought of me."

"Well, guess I'm off to expand my collection." Angela nodded to the owner and headed deeper into the store.

 

Angela brought a selection of sex wands, simulated sexual organs, and films with creative titles to the counter. "So anyway, this guy I had to resurrect in Hanamura;" Angela said, "We brought him on site for the follow-up rehabilitation and he's having trouble with his cybernetic implants. Not, like, control or connectivity issues, but acceptance issues, what with all the 'part robot' stuff."

"Change, especially when massive and/or unexpected, can often be offputting. The adaption necessary in the face of change is what can improve one's life, and the new perspective is what can revitalize ones spirit."

"At one point, he was all, 'I'm just a toaster nowwwwwww', and - wait, is that okay to say?"

Zenyata shrugged. "Not really. It's a slur.

Angela tented her fingers. "My bad. I'll use a euphemism next time. I was quoting Genjii, actually - that's the guy's name- so I'll get on his case about that. Anyway; I was all, 'hey, the coolest, wisest guy I know is full machine, so you can shut your mouth'."

"I thank you for the praise," Zenyatta said. "How did he react?"

"I actually replaced his mouth with a feeding tube so he didn't have one to open and thus my suggestion that he shut his mouth was moot, and he got mad about that. But afterwards, he said he might like to meet with you, and I said I'd ask. So;" Angela smiled. "Do you have free time or something tomorrow? I didn't make any promises, so it's cool if you cant or don't want to."

"You are a dear friend of mine, Angela. I would be happy to speak to your patient on your behalf."

Angela breathed in, and out, and smiled, a little sheepishly. "Thank you. It's mutual you know? Besides my porn collection, you're the only one I really talk to. So, thanks for putting up with me."

It was a well-kept secret that omnics could feel awkwardness. And Buddhists were supposed to be above that as well. To preserve the secrets of two groups, Zenyatta deflected with humor.

"Also, you are responsible for 30 percent of the store's sales," Zenyatta said, "I invented the triple-diamond rewards program just for you, so I figure I can tack on 'spiritual advice' as part of your benefits for your purchase today. "

Angela threw a silicon masturbation aid at Zenyatta's head. " _Du dubbel,_ " she said, playfully. Zenyatta caught the sex toy and put Angela's final purchase in a black bag and handed it to the doctor, along with the reciept.

"Anyway, I'll bring the guy in for some life guruship next time I'm here."

"I look forward to it." Zenyatta nodded and waved Angela farewell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Angela showed up the next day with some sort of green cyborg ninja dude. After the windowless door opened, Angela didn't break stride, but the cyborg stopped in the doorway.

"This," intoned the cyborg. He sounded auto-tuned, with a bit of a Japanese accent, "is a porn store."

"Also a sex toy store," Angela corrected. "I visit this place most nights. The owner's a good friend of mine."

"That is very sad," the cyborg said. "You must be very lonely."

"Yeah," Angela sighed. "Sometimes I let it depress me." She looked into the distance and sighed again, more forlornly this time. "But don't worry about it," Angela forced a smile. "Today is about trying to make you happy."

"Oh, yes. I appreciate it, by the way." Genjii's sentiment didn't completely break Angela out of her funk, so he tried again. "Oh! Does this mean, when you said that they can make synthetics feel exactly like real skin and muscle, you were speaking from experience with sex toys?"

Angela nodded. "Yes." She walked Genjii towards the counter.

"Anyway, this is Zenyatta," Angela gestured to the omnic behind the counter. "He can help you come to grips with your, uh, 'condition'. He's Buddhist or something."

"Really?" Said Genjii, "I wouldn't figure 'sex shop owner' to be a profession that attracts the spiritually inclined."

"Sex positivism and enlightenment are not mutually exclusive. It is only tradition that keeps them at odds." 

The cyborg was unreadable. Because his face was a metal plate with a green light slit. "What happened to spiritual transcendence through freeing oneself of desire? Don't Buddhists believe that desire is the origin of suffering?"

"Desire is indeed the origin of suffering," Zenyatta held his hands out, palms open upward, "But it is also the origin of girly mags and vibrating dongs."

"Also;" Angela interjected, "Medical advances, artificial intelligence, and video games."

Zenyatta continued his speech. "As the world became more materialistic, I decided to embrace the unavoidable, and use humankind's pursuit of materialistic hedonism as an opportunity to foster acceptance and intimacy between humankind and their robotic creations."

"Well, I'll go shopping while you and Zenyatta get to talking," Angela said. She patted Genjii's shoulder. "Would you like any porn? It's on me."

"Well," The cyborg's eye-slit flickered, slightly. "Do you have any porn that simulates an emotionally meaningful relationship? Because that is my fetish."

Angela laughed. "Hey, having an emotionally meaningful connection to porn is, like, my entire existence."

"If she ever dates someone," Zenyatta said, "It would be to round out a threescore between Angela and an inscalable mountain of porn."

"Hey! I'm sure my porn would understand if we took a break, so I could date someone 3D."

"I am certain you've purchased something from my store with significant presence in three dimensions."

Zenyatta and Angela shared a laugh.

"Cool, so," Angela pointed to the robotic people, "I'm going to check out your new vibes. Brb."

"Have fun." Zenyatta nodded and waved and turned to Genjii. They talked.

 

 

 

Eventually, Zenyatta waved Angela down. "Angela," he said, "Would you mind taking over the register for a bit? There is a zen garden I'd like to take Genjii to."

Angela blinked. "What?"

"A zen garden is a place of serenity and meditation-"

"Not what I meant." Angela said.

Angela and Zenyatta shared a laugh.

"You are, however, the one most familiar with the store after I," Zenyatta said.

Angela sighed. "Yeah, I guess I am." She forced a smile. "I guess I can try my best, though."

"I have the utmost confidence in you." 

"Cool." Then, Angela's eyes glinted. "Does this mean I get an employee discount?"

Zenyatta paused, as he did the mental calculations. "Sure, but it won't stack with your diamond rewards."

"Drat," Angela said. She pretended to be upset, before smiling and waving the pair aside.

Zenyatta nodded and escorted Genjii out of the store.

 

 

 

Angela thought she was getting the hang of things. Nobody had come in, yet, though, but she found she didn't need to familiarize herself with the register, because of all the time she spent here already.

But eventually someone did. The door creaked open, and a tall, dark-skinned woman trying to sink into her jacket stepped into the room, glancing around nervously.

"Oh hey!" Angela said. "I know you; you're Ana's daughter, right?"

The woman flinched. Her face reddened. "Please don't tell my mom I was here," she managed to say.

Angela laughed. "Aren't you, like, thirty?"

"Yeah, but," the woman shirked more, "I'd prefer if she didn't find out."

"Why would she find out?"

"Well, she's kind of nosy, and I'm already worrying about how I'm going to hide this stuff-"

"Wait," Angela said, "You still live with your mother? Or...."

Ana's daughter frowned and tried to look indignant. "It- it's not weird-"

Angela laughed. "No no, it's cute." She waved the air and then held her hand out. "Anyway, I'm Angela. I think I've seen you at the military hospital, too?"

"Oh. Yes." The woman shook hands. "I'm Fareeha. I'm a security lead at Helix. We've had some gigs at your hospital."

"Ok; so just a heads up; store policy is to leave your bag behind the counter, here," Angela gestured.

"Oh! Yes." Fareeha took off her bag and placed it by the window. Then she pointed into the store. "I'm going to- to look at- you know...."

"Yes yes. Have fun!" Angela smiled and waved

  
 

 

 

 

 

Fareeha spent a long time staring at one section of shelving.

There was nobody else in the store, and Fareeha was taking a while so Angela decided to be a good employee and help the customer.

"Finding everything all right?

Fareeha flinched. She turned around.

"I- um," Farreeha said, gesturing to the vibrators. "I haven't used one of these before."

Angela gave Fareeha her personal recommendations. She enjoyed watching the growth of Fareeha's blush a little too much.

"Anything else?"

"Um," Fareeha sunk into her shoulder-blades. "Do - do you have anything in the way of, um...." Fareeha's voice was very quiet when she finished her sentence "...bondage?"

Angela waggled her eyebrows. "Yes, that's in is own section."

After they got to the BDSM section, Angela ran her fingers over the merchandise and recalled when she'd tried out each of them. That was a crazy month.

Fareeha pulled a package of rope and cufflinks off the shelf. She avoided eye contact with Angela.

Angela suppressed a smirk. "Will this be for you, or for someone else?"

"W-what?"

"The sizing is very important," Angela lied. "So am I looking for your size, or a different size...."

"It's, um," Fareeha blushed. "For me."

Angela's smile turned into a smirk. "Ok. Just make sure you tell your boyfriend if it chafes, or if you experience any allergic reaction."

"I, uh, I'm - I'm into women, actually."

Angela's heart fluttered. "My mistake. But the same applies to your girlfriend. We also sell different ointments, too."

"I'm, um. Single, actually." Fareeha said. She rubbed the back of her head.

"Oh. Ok; no judgement." Angela couldn't resist a smile and a jab. "Is that why you're needing a mechanical aide now?"

Fareeha blushed all the way to her forehead. "I- get, um. Restless."

"No no, I get it. My dutch wife and I are taking a break from each other, so I've been trying out all these sex wands," Angela said.

 "Oh. I'm sorry about you and your foreign wife."

"Ah. Um." Angela refreshed her smile. "'Dutch Wife' is actually slang for a daikamura."

Fareeha tilted her head to the side.

"A fuck-pillow."

"Oh! Ok."

"I am very lonely."

"I'm sorry about that."

 Angela waved the air. "It makes me good at this job. So; did you need anything else?"

"N-no. I'm good."

Angela started walking over to the register counter. "You need a bondage guide or something? We sell a lot of informational books."

"Oh. Um, no, that's okay."

"Well, if you ever need anyone to show you the ropes."  Angela realized she'd made a pun. She snickered. Then she worried that might have been too forward. She coughed. "Anyway, let me get that rung up for you."

Angela tapped the register. "Would you like a rewards card?"

"N-no, that's okay." Fareeha said, "I, uh, don't really, want to have any physical evidence of me being here."

"Oh, so I guess you won't be needing your receipt, then?"

"Well, um." Fareeha held her hand out, and Angela gave the woman her receipt.

Fareeha pulled out a pen and scribbled something on the thin piece of paper. She handed it back to Angela.

Angela furrowed her brow when she accepted the receipt.

"You're very confident," Fareeha said. She shoved the bag of merchandise deep into her jacket pocket and she shot Angela a smile. "It's pretty attractive."

Angela double checked the receipt.

There was a phone number.

Angela blinked a few times, but looked up just in time to return Fareeha's farewell wave.

"Huh," Angela said.

 

 

 

 

And when Genjii and Zenyatta returned from their enlightenment experience, Angela relayed that encounter, still just as stunned.

Zenyatta put a comforting hand on Angela's shoulder. "Congratulations, my friend."

Genjii's eye-slit twinkled. "So, you gonna call her?"

"Well, yes," Angela said. She gestured to a backpack in the corner. "At the very least because she left her bag here."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OMAKE:

 

Angela got used to taking over the register a couple nights a week when Genjii and Zenyatta did spiritual stuff. Today was one such day.

The door creaked open, an an elderly woman walked in.

"Oh, hey again, Captain Amari." Angela said.

"Oh, Dr Zeigler," said the elderly woman. She smiled. "Fancy seeing you on the other side of the counter."

"It's a part time gig while Zenyatta takes care of some business. So what can I help you with?"

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 'Desire is the origin of vibrating dongs' joke stolen from Saturday Morning Breakfast Serial, by Zach Wiener.
> 
> 'My fetish is porn that simulates an emotionally meaningful relationship' joke stolen from Pictures for Sad Children, by John Campbell. 
> 
> I am considering writing a sequel, where Fareeha asks Angela on a date, Angela asks Genjii and Zenyatta for advice because she doesn't know how to talk about things other than porn.


End file.
